Now, last summer (June 2007), Erik was in a play after a week of camp at Kids 'N Dance. He was Scar in the Lion King. He loved it, and seemed to be a natural performer. Later that summer, he and Anders did Go Diego Go camp, also with Kids 'N Dance, and he also enjoyed the performance (more low-key than the Lion King.)
Of course, as parents, the first thing we did was assume he was headed to a career in greatness. Ok, not really. But we did promptly sign him up for a weekly session where they would perform 101 Dalmations. In our minds, it was a sure thing that he'd love it.
He did love it, but somewhere in those 12 weeks, somehow, he developed "stage fright". I always assumed it was somewhat affected; that he'd read about stage fright in some book, and figured that everyone had it, so he'd better have it, too. But even if that was true, and it wasn't "real", it was real in the sense that he absolutely struggled with the performance. He whispered and mumbled what he did say. He was fine with the dancing part of it, but just couldn't handle the speaking parts (though he had them memorized).
So, what did we do? Why, what any fine parents would do--we signed him up for Mary Poppins class, of course! I tried to hold myself back, but it was hard sometimes not to get frustrated, as I figured he should just be able to decide to be over it, and do what he was supposed to be. He was a star, and I wanted the world to know it! (I promise I wasn't that bad, but I felt that way!)
Mary Poppins was worse. He didn't want to sing all of the songs, and the lines he's practiced diligently (and knew perfectly) he couldn't even get out. I realized that while he loved what led up to the performance, the stress on him (a lot of which came from me, admittedly) for the performance took most of the fun out of it. We decided it was time to ask him what he wanted, and he didn't want another class. So we stopped, and found him a wonderful pottery class, where he could play with clay to his heart's content (and it really is something he loves).
When we were considering summer camps, however, I saw Fairyland's camp, and the themes based on continents. Erik loves geography and learning about other places, and I knew he'd love the camp. When I saw that they offered scholarships, I was sold. I made sure to write down on the registration forms that he had some difficulty with stage fright, and I told Erik over and over that the performance wasn't the most important part; if he couldn't perform, but had fun during the week, that was fine.
The real turning point came, however, at our week at Mount Hermon. The very last evening, the kids all did a little performance for the parents. Anders didn't want to even go up with the preschoolers to sing a little song. Erik, though, was with his group of 1st and 2nd graders, and they herded them all on the stage together. He went right to the back, and refused to stand up, even when urged by his great counselor.
Afterwards, it took everything in me not to comment about how he should have just stood up, or how I wished he would have participated. Instead (inspired by God, I know), I chose a completely different tactic. I greeted him with enthusiasm, and started raving about how proud I was that he stayed on the stage! I knew he didn't even want to be up there, and it was so amazing that he stayed on the stage the whole time. I went on to define that as Stage 1 of overcoming stage fright: he was on the stage! Erik was joining in with enthusiasm now, as giving something a structure with steps is his kind of system. I told him I thought step 2 should be that he would be visible to others while he stayed on the stage. After more discussion, together we determined the steps:
Step 1: Obey the counselors (and go on the stage at all)
Step 2: Stay on the stage
Step 3: Be seen
Step 4: Say something
Step 5: Say something loud enough to be heard by the audience
Step 6: Have fun doing it!
He loved the idea, and he was so proud of himself for conquering steps 1 and 2 of overcoming stage fright.
So, after this breakthrough, we went into Fairyland camp with very little pressure. I was accepting of the fact that he may not do the performance at all, and I was serious in my reassurances that the most important thing was that he have fun during the week. We did continue to talk about the steps of overcoming stage fright a few times.
Midway through the week, I asked him what part he was doing. He said he was assigned to be a narrator, and he could even read his lines! He continued to exhibit no nervousness about it; in fact, he was excited about the performance Friday afternoon. I made very little mention of the performance at all.
On Friday, we went 30 minutes early to pick him up and watched all three performances. Erik did do his narrator role. It wasn't perfect, of course; he read his script, and the first few lines he mumbled and hid behind the paper. But by the third line, he had loosened up, we could hear him, and the paper wasn't right in front of his face.
He stayed there the whole time, he didn't cause any problems, and he had fun. He was so proud of himself afterwards, and we rejoiced together in the many steps that he conquered. After another redefining session, we determined that he did pass steps 3-6. He wanted to add some more, though, so we added some steps about doing it without reading a script, saying lines with inflection, acting a part, and possibly something else. He now is excited to be able to pass the rest of the steps, as well, and was amazed that he didn't even have stage fright at all during the performance of The Frog Princess.
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